Home is where the heart is
I'm going to Japan. Probably. I mean, I've been accepted to the program here, but I still have to wait and hear about whether I got into the university overseas. Probably I will. In general, the people who get accepted here get accepted there.
ICU. That's where I'm going. In Tokyo. Well a suburb of Tokyo, but right of the station. I'm so excited I can't describe it. I get little chills of excitement up and down my spine whenever I think about it.
I'll be there from early July to late November. Probably. And then I'm planning on going to Australia and maybe New Zealand before I go home because I can. Not like its that much closer, but it is closer, and I want to travel.
I'll hopefully be back before Christmas, because I love Christmas. But recently Christmas has been a let down. Not the presents, definitely not the presents, because my parents spoil and I sometimes wish that they wouldn't. I know that money is tight, and I know that they worry about it, and when they spend money on me, I worry about it too. No, its the magic that is off. I remember Christmas through sparkly eyes, everything so ethereal. Recently Christmas has just been a bit too prosaic. Its lost the shine-y element, and I don't know how to get it back, because we don't fight, no one fights of Christmas, and nothing is wrong per say, actually a lot is right, the routine is right, but I guess in the past everyone was always so happy on Christmas. And recently, no one has been happy. There's just this deep sorrow over my house. Not that everyone is depressed and crying all the time, but that everyone just seems like they have so much on their shoulders, like they've forgotten how to actually be happy. So when Christmas comes, we go through the motions, but our soul isn't in it because we still have this bone deep sadness that has just become part of our lives, part of home.
Sort of for that reason, I don't like going home as much as I should. I mean, I look forward to it, because who doesn't look forward to going home? I miss my family, mostly my mom and my dogs, but my dad and little brother too. I've gotten a lot closer to Kevin. Funny how distance and maturity can do that. And I do get homesick, for the food and the animals, and the fact that when I'm home, things sort of tend to go my way. But when I do get home, the same sorrow that is omnipresent with everyone there falls on me, and I get sucked in even when I try not to be. I spend a lot of time with the dogs, cause they seem the slightest bit immune. But even they sometimes seem down. They're getting older, moving slower, and it hurts me to see that. And it hurts me to go home, because sometimes, there are moments at least, when I'm there, when the sadness lifts and my mom laughs like she hasn't laughed in months, and that makes me want to cry. Her laughing makes me want to cry more than the sadness, because it makes me realize that there is something that I can do to help it. I could be there.
That makes coming back here hurt. Because half of me wants to escape the darkness, and half of me screams that I have to stay, because I can help the people I love, I can make it better. At least a little better.
Now I've gone and gotten all off topic. Anyway, this summer, right after graduation, I'm going on tour with Glee again. We're singing here, in LA, for alumni. The college has been begging us to do that for years. And then we're shooting off to Hawaii for several days. It should be pretty amazing, and I'm super excited. But it does mean that I have to get my body into better beach shape. Not an easy thing for me, because I have no metabolism and a very obnoxious sweet tooth. Luckily I also have will-power, which is why I'm not as size 28, but a size 6. At 5'7", 6 isn't bad, but I do want to lose a little weight, so that I can look pretty awesome in my swimsuits. Not that it is super relevant, as I don't own any bikinis (occupational hazard for life guards and camp counselors), but it would make me feel better.
Then hopefully I'll be going home for a week, turning 20. Which is terrifying. I can't imagine. And then I have to leave Sunday School. Awful. I'm dreading it. Its a black date in my calendar. Sorrow.
Then camp for 3 weeks, if all goes well. Home for one more, then off to Japan.
Oh! So Japan. Well, its a 6 week summer language intensive in Tokyo at ICU. Like 3-4 hours a day of intensive Japanese. Hopefully I'll be super amazing when I'm done. Then up to Hokkaido for two weeks in between terms at ICU. I'll do a homestay there. People tell me that I'll stand out (of course I will, blond hair, blue eyes, and as tall as the average man. I should bring heels and blow everyone away), and that people will stare and ask to take pictures with me. I'm not sure how comfortable I will be with that sort of situation. Anyway, then I'm back to ICU on a homestay this time to do a fall term. I'm not certain on my classes, but I do know that 3 will be Japanese language, and the other three will be taught in English. I hope to take some music history or ethnomusicology to work toward my minor. I'd also maybe like to take art or linguistics (there was a cool class on learning Japanese and teaching, and it looked awesome).
I have also decided to make my camera an appendage, because I can feel the days slipping away, and I don't want that to happen. It may be awkward at first, but I'm pretty sure that I can get over that. And I'm not talking only during all of the traveling (where of course I will be super camera-ified), but also during regular times. Because I want to remember college forever. I only get to do this once (hopefully).
[karma: 0 (+/-)]
Katie on 03.27 at 06:23